Update: Someone reminded me that I forgot an important point. How could I. It’s now #9.

If you’re male and the blogger is female…

1. Read her blog religiously, at least once a day. Subscribing to her blog RSS feed will be very useful, especially if you have multiple targets.

2. Find out as much as you can about her, especially her likes and dislikes. This will come naturally if you follow step 1. If you have a poor memory, or if you’re tracking multiple targets, an Excel spreadsheet might come in handy.

3. Do research on the things she likes. If she likes cats, borrow books on cats, subscribe to cat blogs, visit the pet shop and talk to the shop owner about rearing cats, etc. Tip: when a female blogger says she likes cats, you can safely assume that she does not like cat meat. Avoid any mention of cat meat, unless it’s in a very negative light.

4. Start your own blog if you don’t already have one. It should at least be marginally interesting. Since you should be doing research on her interest areas by now, it wouldn’t harm mentioning some interesting bits you’ve learnt. Like “oh I just found out today that cats have a third eyelid!”

5. Comment on her blog every now and then. She needs to know that you exist. And who doesn’t like a comment or two on their blog?

6. Link her on your blogroll. She needs to know that you’re not ashamed to let the world know that you appreciate her blog, no matter how bimbotic it is.

7. Comment on her blog often. In other words, comment on every single one of her posts.

8. Blog about her or her blog. Flattery is essential, but be careful to sound sincere. Comments like “she is prettier/writes better than xiaxue” usually does the trick. If you’re lucky, she will leave a comment on your blog, or even mention that post in her own blog. Who knows, you might find your blog on her blogroll!

9. Submit her blog post to Tomorrow.sg, and pray that the editors will approve it. If it gets published, she will know without a doubt that you view her blog with such great esteem that you even deem it worthy to be Tomorrowed. Remember to be logged on when you submit, or she wouldn’t know that you’re the Anonymous Coward (who wants to date a coward anyway). Also, exercise some discretion - if she’s a scholar making racist comments living in a mansion at the heart of Orchard Road and she got dumped by her boyfriend because he made her pregnant, you might want to move on to the next step. Tip: As a Tomorrow.sg editor, I suggest that the posts you submit had better be good ones, otherwise you’d just be wasting your effort, and all the Tomorrow.sg editors will know what a pathetic loser you are (trust me, people are actually attempting this).

10. Pop her an email. Be friendly, but do not ask for a date yet! You have come a long way by now; the last thing you want to do is to scare her away. You probably need an excuse to send the email, like “hey I think I saw you at the pet store the other day, but I wasn’t sure…”

11. Have an email conversation with her. This should be easy, provided she replies your first email.

12. Ask for her MSN. This is the next logical step after email. You may want to change your MSN avatar to a cat.

13. Chat with her on MSN. Chat about common interests, like cats. Get to know about her even more. Keep google, dictionary.com and wikipedia on standby:

you: so what other interests do you have, besides cats?

her: i like classical music

you: oh me too! who’s your fav composer?

her: probably bach

Type “bach” in google and wikipedia.

you: ooooh bach is totally brilliant!!!

her: yes he is!!!

you: hey i gtg… tummy ache.. talk to you later?

Of course, you now have to do research on classical music (especially Bach), in addition to your cat research.

14. Send her your picture if she asks for it. This is a very good sign, because she might just be considering meeting you, if you’re not too hideous. If she doesn’t ask for your picture, don’t force it on her; gently hint to her that you want to show her your picture (”have you ever wondered about how I look?”). You should be fully-clothed in the picture.

15. Ask for her number, assuming that she’s still chatting with you after you sent her the picture.

16. SMS her every now and then. Keep chatting if she responds. If not, an SMS every few days is enough, so that you’ll be seen as a friend, and not as an annoyance.

17. Call her. If she’s happy to chat on the phone, you’re almost there.

18. Ask for a date. By now, she should be ready for the date. In the unlikely event that she refuses to meet you, move on to your next target. Pray that your next target likes cats and Bach, so you’ll have less homework to do.

If you’re female and the blogger is male…

1. Pop him and email. In the email, ask him for a date, and include your picture. The success of your request will depend entirely on the picture. It is not necessary to undress for the picture.

* * * * *

This post is done with tongue planted firmly in cheek, although I have a feeling that the steps might just work, and I won’t be surprised if it accurately reflects reality for some. You may even find this disturbing. If you do, know that it’s intentional.