Tinker, Tailor

I’ll be having incredibly busy days ahead so don’t expect too many updates. Not like I’m updating very much anyway.

In fact, I ought to be doing my work now. Yes, at 8pm on a Friday evening when everyone else I know is getting sloshed (I’m assuming).

But my head is buzzing a little, partly because I’m not feeling too well, adding to the fact that I must have over-exerted myself playing basketball just now. Luckily it rained so I couldn’t kill myself. At least the honey lemon Strepsils lazing on my tongue feels good.

Speaking of tongue, this reminds me of this “good advice” video (not too safe for work). Not bad for a HIV awareness campaign done by the BBC.

Speaking of HIV (no I don’t have it) (really), there’s this moving story, Hibernating Impending Venom, of someone who contracted HIV from her husband.

Yeah, World AIDS Day is on 1st December. I don’t really care if it’s this day or that day, but there are so many myths surrounding HIV that I figure I can do my little bit to help.

Ok, I’m supposed to be busy.

Wait, before I go, you might want to check out this Sexual Addiction Screening Test. I am pleased to announce that I fall within the non-addict range. But drop me a line if you’re an addict, and you’re young, pretty, and female.

Back to work.

I was hanging out at a cafe with a friend - one of those cafes where they make you sit on the floor (okay they have cushions and all) - when this couple walked in.

I have no recollection of how the guy looked (nothing surprising there), but as the girl walked in, I whispered to my friend, “she’s so gonna zaogeng”. She was in some kind of dress or frock which was extremely short, and yes, she did expose herself.

Impressed by my own predictive ability, I decided to make a further prediction.

“I predict that in the future, within 10 years, a lot of girls will find it ok to zaogeng. They’ll find it ok to wear a skirt, sit with their legs open, and let people see what they’re wearing inside. What do you think?”

My friend thought for a while. She must have been imagining herself in that position. The fresh air. The breeze. The freedom.

“Not possible,” she declared. She was more conservative than I had expected.

“Now think about it… last time, when girls are seated, they make sure that their panties aren’t exposed in the rear. They make sure everything is all covered up. These days, it’s ok to show your panties at the rear when you’re sitting or bending over. It’s ok to show your ass crack. Some girls even make sure you know that they’re wearing g-strings.”

I took a sip of my latte, and continued, “and last time, no one would imagine letting anyone see their bra, or even bra strap. These days, some bra straps are meant to be seen. And some girls wear such low cuts such that their bras are meant to be clearly seen.”

I’m not one to go on a monologue, but this was an exception. “And if you think about it, you’re not revealing more than when you wear a bikini. In fact, you’re still revealing less.”

She must have been confounded. It was time for the conclusion. “So think about it - it’s becoming acceptable to reveal more and more. Eventually, girls will find it ok to expose the front of their undies. No big deal.”

It took a while, but my logic was hard to beat. She had to acknowledge that I was probably right.

I’ll be a happier boy man in 10 years.

* * *

I’m reminded of what my ex-colleague used to say:

“Every time Britney Speares is on a new MTV, she’s wearing a little less. I’m not interested in her other MTVs - I just want to watch her last MTV.”

Fiction. Beware of strong language.

***

What now? Look at yourself, Joanne Lai Mei Chee, what the fuck now?

Just because he stopped his black Lexus beside you and commanded you in and you had to go in. Just because you were stuck in the middle of nowhere in the rain because you refused to bring the stupid umbrella because it was too big to fit into your fucking LV bag so you had no choice but to go in.

So what now? Look at yourself Joanne, just look at yourself. You wouldn’t be standing here in his bathroom today in this mess wondering what to do.

You bitch you’re supposed to be this successful girl in control about to turn twenty five with a great job and a fat salary and guys dying to fuck you and girls dying to be you. If only they knew.

If only in his car you weren’t so captivated by his smile and that fucking dimple of his. Or be so head-over-heels because he was witty and could keep you in stitches throughout the car ride. And that fucking dimple of his, that fucking dimple which you were so staring at even when his hand landed up on your fucking knee and you let him and it moved to your thigh and you still fucking let him. And you fucking moron Joanne, you so easily and readily agreed when he playfully suggested that you come to his place for a shower, and you knew exactly what was fucking going to happen.

And here you were, you moron Joanne, standing right here like what you’re doing now, staring at your fucking self in this fucking mirror knowing that it would be a fucking mistake and a fucking mess and you even promised yourself that you’d tell him that you won’t fuck him.

And you fucking still let him fuck you, pretending to resist but you know you fucking wanted it. And you let the bastard fuck you. Even though he refused to use a condom you still fucking let him.

It was good huh? Joanne? Fucking good huh? You happy now?

Just because the bastard gave you five fucking orgasms that night you had to come back to him and let him fuck you again and again even though he never uses a condom. You fucking moron Joanne he never used a condom and you still let him.

And you know the bastard goes to Thailand and China and all those other fucking places and you still let him fuck you without a condom. Yeah he’ll be faithful he’ll never look at another woman he only loves me blah blah blah. Faithful your fucking ass faithful.

You must be happy now, Joanne. Fucking getting HIV before you’re even fucking twenty five. Fucking getting HIV from that fucking bastard.

And did you have to fucking do this? Joanne Lai Mei Chee did you have to fucking do this? He’s anyway gonna die soon anyway.

Joanne Lai Mei Chee, they’re so gonna find you. They’re gonna find traces of you all over this fucking place and you’re so gonna fucking hang.

You’re so fucking gonna hang.

***

Let me know if this works. I might write a commentary if I’m in the mood.