Tinker, Tailor

I was going to blog something, but my neighbours are having a very determined session of karaoke that I can’t remember what I was going to blog about.

These neighbours live directly above my place. Yes, I can even hear them dancing. I assume it’s dancing, from the thumps I hear through my ceiling and the vibrations from my ceiling lights.

It’s been over a year since I was frustrated enough to go upstairs to ring the doorbell and tell the guy in my most murderous look that your volume is rather severe and I would appreciate if you could turn it down.

Damned neighbours. At least offer me some food if you want to host a party.

Dear Ellen,

Some months ago, I blogged about my favourite food.

I don’t think it’s one of my better posts, but I guess some people appreciated it.

Thanks for being one of them. Well I’m assuming you liked the post, since you plagiarised it on your blog. Yup I noticed you made some changes too, like “I like laksa!” became “I like sushi!”

I felt confused at first - this was almost like a cut-n-paste job, written in my voice, but hey, I’m don’t ever remember claiming that I like sushi!

When I finally realised that parts of it were adapted and revised and you gave me no credit, I felt disgusted.

I finally understood why so many other bloggers make a huge fuss when they have their work plagiarised. They usually shame and expose the plagiarist, calling them ‘losers’.

Too bad I’m too cerebral for that. I won’t give you that kind of attention

My disgust quickly turned to questioning. Why did she plagiarise my work? And why this post of all posts?

I decided the second question wasn’t worth my time, so I focused on the first. Why did she do it?

Looking around in your blog, I notice that one of the main items in your wishlist is to be smarter. In fact, it seems like it’s one of your biggest wishes.

Does plagiarising make you smarter? It might make you appear smarter, but I don’t think it’s a good way to help you get smarter. And if you want to be a journalist or writer, plagiarism is probably the worst thing you can do.

But you’re not a loser. You made a mistake, but that doesn’t make you a loser, if you can learn from it.

Ellen, here’s what I’d like you to do.

Keep working on your writing. Keep blogging. Experimenting. Read widely and voraciously. If something is superbly written, read it out loud so that the sound of it sticks to your mind better, so that you’ll develop a better ear and voice. Don’t be ashamed of your own voice. It may not be great now, but if you keep working on it, you will improve. It takes time, lots of time, but you will improve. Focus on improving.

Focus on improving - that’s how you get smarter. That’s how you become a good writer.

And when you do become a writer, please let me know

Sincerely,

tinkertailor.

“So, what time are you leaving?” asked my friend. We were sitting at a cafe, watching the world go by.

“Six thirty three,” I replied.

“Six thirty three? Why six thirty three?”

“Why not? It’s a choice that I just made.”

She still looked puzzled. “But why thirty three?”

I sighed. “If I told you six thirty, you’d be asking me why six thirty.”

“No I wouldn’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s…” she was thinking hard. “Because it’s six thirty!”

I sighed again. “Look, just because thirty three is an odd number, you’re asking me why. But if I told you it’s thirty, there’d be no questions asked. Tell me, why the discrimination? Why the double standards? Thirty three is a legitimate number too, just as thirty is a legitimate number. Thirty three should get equal rights!”

She was flabbergasted, so I continued.

“I’m so disappointed with you - you of all people. You believe in equal rights for women and other races, why can’t you believe in equal rights for all numbers?”

The only response she gave was a hard whack on my arm.

Ages ago, I started chatting with a girl on IRC. My friend asked me to talk to that girl because he found out that she was studying psychology, and because I knew more about psychology than he did, he wanted me to affirm that she was interesting.

She turned out to be more interesting than I had expected.

She told me about her dysfunctional family - her parents were divorced and some relatives were involved in some weird religious or spiritual stuff (can’t remember the details). She also told me how she was ‘different’ too - how could to sense certain things that others can’t. Yes, in so many words, she was claiming to have ESP.

To cut the long story short, when we eventually met, she kept wanting to do her ESP stuff on me. I eventually avoided her.

Anyway, during the time, I had this theory that most people who go into psychiatry are in need of psychiatric help themselves.

She liked my theory.

I wonder how she’s doing now.

* * *

I found out today that there’s some truth to my theory.

Research published in 2001 revealed that 56% of female psychiatrists have a family history of mental illness, and just over 40% have experienced one themselves - almost twice the rate of other doctors. Undoubtedly as a consequence, psychiatrists have double the rate of suicide of the general population.

To my friends out there studying some form of psychology - good luck

In other related news,
here’s a hilarious exchange between 2 guys who claim to be psychiatrists. Who do you think is the psychologist, and who’s the patient?

A must watch if you know anything about psychotherepy.

I can’t remember how it happened, but it occured to me that the words linguini and linguist are similar.

Do they come from the same root?

I did know that linguist comes from the Latin lingua meaning tongue. That’s where we get lingua franca as well.

But linguini, the Italian pasta thingy?

I was disappointed that I didn’t put more thought into it before looking it up, because the relationship turns out to be quite obvious, especially for someone who’s interested in word origins or etymology.

Don’t make my mistake - ponder over it for a minute before reading on.

Linguini, I should have guessed, comes from Italian. And Italian, I should know very well, comes from Latin.

So, DUH! Linguini does come from the same latin root lingua. And obviously, it’s named after the tongue because it’s flat like a tongue.

Etymology is so cool.

P.S. Those of you who notice that language is vaguely similar to lingua will also be pleased to note that language came from Old French langage, which came from Latin lingua. (French, like Italian, comes from Latin.)

P.P.S. A handful (or more) of you might be interested to note that cunni- comes from the Latin word cunnus which refers to the vulva.

Enough language education for today

Connie’s a close friend of mine, so she gets to share some of my secrets.

As a close friend, we sometimes go shopping together, where she gets to influence the outcome of my wardrobe, which can leave my wallet quite vulnerable.

But that’s beside the issue. This time, I was unloading my work problems on to her through MSN.

It was about what happened in the morning when I was at a client’s place for a presentation.

Me: i was there an hour early as usual to prepare
Me: then this guy in a bright pink shirt comes in 45mins early
Me: at first he sat on the 2nd row
Me: then he moved to the first row
Me: the way he spoke, i suspected he’s gay
Me: but nevermind, if they don’t bother me, i’m ok
Me: but as he was sitting there, he was just looking and looking at me

Friend: WHAT

Me: then when i walked by him, his eyes was looking at my crotch!

Friend: WTF

Me: your fault lah

Good friends are there to help you take the blame. Why else do we need good friends?

Friend: what????
Friend: my fault????
Friend: my fault
Friend: why>??>?

Me: i was wearing those sexy jeans u chose!

She made me buy this pair of jeans costing over a hundred bucks. And now gays are staring at my crotch because of that.

Friend: oh man
Friend: i got taste, u gotto gimmi that

Me: hahahah
Me: ok if that wasn’t bad enough
Me: halfway during the lesson
Me: he was looking at me
Me: and licking his lips
Me: i almost freaked out

Friend: oh man
Friend: i am sorry

Me: when he licked is lips
Me: i blanked out for a while
Me: had to recompose myself

Friend: oh man….
Friend: is he good looking

Me: WHO CARES!?!?

Friend: okok chillllll

Me: prob in his 40s
Me: i feel violated!!

Friend: ok chill dude

Me: the perils of my job
Me: why?? connie, why?!?!

Good friends also know how to make you feel better after a difficult incident at work.

Friend: coz u are hot

See what I mean?
Except that she had to add a bit more.

Friend: u just wanted me to say that right

Pffft.

I got up the bus and tapped my wallet on the EZ-link card reader to hear the familiar beep before moving towards the back of the bus, just 2 steps behind another guy.

As he walked past the exit of the bus, he deftly put his wallet over the card reader, *beep*, before continuing towards the back.

I sat down on the seat facing him, and glared at him. He didn’t seem to notice.

Should I report him?

This guy obviously cheated on his bus fare. I should let the bus driver know.

But heck it’s just a small amount - no need to be a busybody.

But dang it’s not fair that I’m paying the full amount and he’s not.

But it’s not like I’m getting hurt because of that.

But wait it’s because of people like him that’s why the prices keep increasing.

But he looks like a poor dude who needs to save every penny.

But he probably has done it many times.

But Singapore has become too expensive for many people.

But wait isn’t he holding a Puma bag?

But he still looks like a poor student.

But I shouldn’t be like the typical Singaporean who does nothing in the face of wrong.

But it’s the transport companies that are more evil with the ever-increasing prices.

But hell it’ll be fun just to report him and see what happens.

So that was when I decided to report him. I decided to do it just when the bus was reaching my stop, since it would be more convenient.

Except that got off before me. The stop right before mine.

Ah well.

At least I got his photo.

So, I attended this event, where my friend’s good friend Shawn also attended.

Shawn, as you may be interested to know, is gay.

Friend: anyway, you spotted shawn?

Me: yup
Me: did he say anything?

Friend: hur
Friend: he said you were hot
Friend:

Me: no wonder he appeared so quiet and shy!

Friend: hahahaha
Friend: he did?
Friend: he’s usually reserved in front of strangers, slightly

Me: so wat else did he say
Me: other than the obvious?

Anyway, during the same event, I also met Liz, another friend of hers.

Friend: then liz actually thot u were gay
Friend: hahahaha

Me: wat did she say??

Friend: she said she thought you were gay
Friend: i said you weren’t, but you always get hit on by gays
Friend: she said, prob cause you looked like one
Friend:

That was hard to swallow. I didn’t wear hot pink tights to the event, nor did I have greasy sculptured hair, nor were my nipples protruding from my t-shirt, which wasn’t tight anyway.

There was only one explanation.

Me: she got lousy gaydar lar

Friend: haha

Me: *sigh*
Me: no wonder not so many girls approach me
Me: they’ve already given up

Friend: …

Me: oh well
Me: the plight of being too hot

Friend: but if a gay thinks you give off gay vibes, and a lesbian, liz’s les btw, thinks you do as well………….

Me: i need to lie down

I was chatting with a friend online when she mentioned something about her “shoe collection”.

Me: wah u got a COLLECTION of shoes??!

Me: how many??

Friend: errrm can i dun say

Me: cannot

Friend: well even though i have alot i only wear my trusted few

Friend: onkie.. the nmber is ard 100

Me: …

I’m not easily rendered speechless, but there I was stunned. The first thing that came to my mind was Imelda Marcos, whom I remember had more than 100 shoes. (Turns out she had more than 1000.)

Then I wondered - what if every innocent-looking girl I knew actually has a cache of shoes stashed away at home? I had to do a survey.

My questions:
1. How many pairs of shoes do you have?
2. Is that enough?
3. How many would be enough?

1. How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Most respondents had between 10 and 30 pairs, and mostly around 20. The lowest has 5, a few had around 50, and one friend claimed that her mom has 300. She herself has 30.

Seems like most of my female friends aren’t crazy about shoes.

2. Is that enough?

The overwhelming majority of answers ranged from “no” to “of course not!” or “never enough!”
The reason why they don’t have more is either because they can’t afford it, or they can’t find more that are suitable or they really like.

3. How many would be enough?

The majority had the exact same reply: “the more the merrier!”

And when I told them about the friend with 100 shoes, what surprised me most was that none of those I asked found it shocking, and in fact a few were rather envious.

Oh well. Women.

p.s. Feel free to tell me how many pairs of shoes you have in the comments!