Tinker, Tailor

Alright, after so many years of existence, with so many people around me having new year’s resolutions while I’ve never had any in my life, perhaps I should just give in a little, and come up with one for myself.

Yes, it’s just one. Hey, it’s my first time ok?

Ladies and gentleman, my new year’s resolution for 2009:

1. Write 2009 instead of 2008 when I’m writing the current date.

I was innocently surfing around, when I chanced upon a Thai dating site called Thai Kisses. (Don’t ask.)

I’m not one who frequents dating sites (because I don’t need to), but I could tell that this one is unique.

Their detailed search options are definitely culturally sensitive.

I showed the site to a friend, and she started making some recommendations for me.

Like this 20 year old with long and slender fingers.

Or this one who is “not beautiful but i have a true love to give someone who don’t mind for contact me”. The name is Hockey, but personally I don’t find Mr Bean too hot.

Last but not least, she found me Steven Lim’s sibling (I don’t know to use brother or sister).

I was doing some work, listening to Rammstein’s Du Riechst So Gut when I remembered their MTV of that song which I quite enjoyed years ago:

I remembered that MTV because the Twilight movie that 9 out of 10 girls are raving about reminds me of it.

The 9 out of 10 girls are really raving about the vampire guy, Ed watever.

Whether you’re a guy or a girl, if you’re crazy about him, please let me know why. I’d really like to know.

He’s not very good-looking, his face is weird, his too pale, he isn’t articulate nor sound intelligent nor knowledgable despite his age, in fact he sounds retarded, he’s stalkerish like most losers…

Okay he’s fast and he’s got a keen sense of smell. (Btw, Du Riechst So Gut means “you smell so good”.)

And when the bad vampires were about to appear during the baseball game, couldn’t Ed have done his quickie thingy and carried the girl to the nearby car? They had more than enough time.

Oh well.

He’s old. Too old for you. Both old and too old for you.
And he’s ugly. Fat and ugly.

But you move towards him. You come close to him. Between his legs. Your butt touches his inner thigh. Rubs against it. And you sit on him. Dangerously close to his crotch.

You do that only because he gives you gifts. You claim to like him, but that’s only because he showers you with gifts.

You call him your sugar daddy.

Then again, if he’s wearing this thick red outfit with white fur lining, you call him Santa Claus.

Hohoho!

p.s. I just had to write something that’s xmas themed!

I liked the peaceful way the old man was sleeping, with the younger man standing in the background.

So there was I, innocently taking a stroll near Ann Siang Road one afternoon when I discovered this quaint little blue building tucked away in an obscure corner.

It looked to me like a restaurant or cafe, perhaps a new place where I could hang out quietly and read my book.

But the closer I got to the entrance, the less it looked like a cafe.

Then I realised it must be a nightclub or bar - there was a small counter on the left side of the entrance, probably for the bouncer, and on the wall was a poster showing the back of a topless woman, probably advertising some topless show of theirs.

It didn’t occur to me that maybe there aren’t any topless bars in Singapore? Or are there?

Since it was mid afternoon and in bright daylight, I felt brave enough to walk right up to the entrance to satisfy my curiosity by taking a closer look at the poster.

I soon realised that the topless woman in the poster was too muscular to be a topless woman, and it also mentioned something along the lines of “exclusively all men’s sauna, gym & spa”.

I may be a man, but this isn’t the place for me.

As I staggered back a little, I decided I had to take a photo of the poster. That was when I thought I noticed some movement to my right, coming from the right side of the door (can’t be seen from the photo above). There was a small window-like opening, covered by a not-so-transparent plastic panel. Because the panel was rather blurry, I went closer to have a better look.

There was a topless guy, maybe 2 metres away inside, in the dim tungsten light.

Before I could compose myself, the entrance door swung open, and 2 young guys stepped out. Inside the building behind them, I could see another topless guy seated on a bench with a towel wrapped around his waist. He took a glance at me just before the door closed.

Perhaps my only consolation was that the 2 young guys who came out didn’t bother taking a second look at me, much less attempt to drag me inside.

I never got to take a photo of the poster, but I managed to find a similar one from the same place online, just in case you’re interested

Spotted this cat near my place.

Since I happened to have my camera with me, I decided to take it and dedicate the picture to a friend of mine.

You know who you are

I had a post on November 8 entitled “10 or so signs of being a loser“.

The last point was

9. Trying really hard to come up with 10 points, but only being able to come up with 9, with the last one being completely lame.

I’ve finally come up with #10. It’s in the form of this MSN conversation with a friend:

Friend:
I read ur blog
the tinker tailor one

Me, with cold sweat:
hahaha wat made u think it’s mine

Friend:
cos u wrote about me inside
:D:D:D
as u can Seee….u’ve kinda met your match here

Me:
my match??

Friend:
cockiness…..narcisstic…….with a tinge of humour

Me:
who said we’re compatible?!?
no you’re not my match!!!
NOOO!!

Friend:
so when are u going to write about me again?
come on…I know u wanna

Me:
lemme think
maybe when i run out of interesting things to write about?
muauahahaHHAHAHAHAH

Friend:
how bout everyday…
MUWAHAHAHAH!

Me:
EVERYDAY?!?
my readers would stop coming back!

Friend:
wait lemme recap
ur entry on november 8th
I’m the CUTE CHICK aren’t I?!!

She was referring to #3 of the same post I referred to at the beginning.

3. Checking out a cute girl during an event, only to have her tell you that you’ve met before.

*sigh*

(Continued from my last post, A visit to the sinseh - part 1)

It didn’t take me too long to located no.25 Ann Siang road, the shophouse with a yellow facade. (Can someone decode the large chinese characters?)

I wasn’t quite expecting the sinseh clinic to be this big, but it sure looked reassuring.

As I stepped inside, I don’t know what hit me first - the old ladies playing mahjong at the table near the entrance, or the rows and rows of black & white photos covering the walls.

The photos reminded me of a really old Chinese school that I used to explore as a kid when I visited a town in Malaysia. There was this spooky hall with the side walls lined with group photos and portraits of dead people.

That same spooky feeling came over me as I walked by the table of ladies playing mahjong. On one hand I wanted to take some photos of the photos, but on the other hand I felt restrained, maybe because of all the eyes of the portraits staring down at me.

Towards the inside end of the hall was another table, with an old man sitting there, polishing mahjong tiles with an old cloth.

I was hoping he wasn’t the sinseh. It’s just not very comforting to see your sinseh wiping mahjong tiles in his free time. He should perhaps be pouring over a thick volume with vertical Chinese text or examining a concoction made with preserved cobra or something.

“Is there a sinseh here?” I asked the mahjong tile polisher in mandarin, feeling rather foolish.

“Upstairs,” he told me.

It didn’t occur to me to go upstairs.

Just before I climbed the flight of wooden stairs, a very frail old woman slowly descended, step by step, held by a middle-aged woman. That was reassuring. If that frail old lady would climb and descend those stairs just to see the sinsei, maybe the sinsei knows something after all.

Upstairs, I saw a man and an older lady in a spacious room. The lady, in her 60s, was sitting at the desk doing some stuff, and talking to the man sitting on a short stool.

That would be Ben Tan and his mother, Mdm Toh.

Ben, who was in his mid to late 30s, asked me to take a seat while I described my problem.

After I took of my shirt, he moved my arm in various positions, and pressed on different parts of my shoulder. I was half expecting to scream in pain, but surprisingly it was never painful.

Squeezing my shoulder in a particular manner, he asked me to raise my arm. I was a little incredulous, since I couldn’t lift my arm, but I gave it a try.

I raised my arm, painlessly. Magic.

With my arm still raised, he explained to me that one of my shoulder ligaments was torn. And if he let go, my arm would fall back down. He did, and it did.

I was sold. If he told me then that the only way for my shoulder to heal was to give him a blowjob, I would have been really sad because I would have believed him. (But I wouldn’t have given him a blowjob, in case you’re wondering.)

Instead, he even pointed to a diagram of the human muscular system he had on the wall, showing me which of my 3 shoulder muscles was torn. It was a western diagram, placed alongside other eastern diagrams.

He then used a combination of waxed paper and tape to create a container or reservoir of sorts, which he filled with some dark greenish paste. The paste, made of herbal medicine, would be in direct contact with my shoulder, and I was to leave it there for 3 full days.

Things would get much better after a week, he told me. If not, I should come back for another dose of this.

I wasn’t too optimistic. It was already a month by the time I saw the sinseh, and there was hardly any improvement. At that rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if it took me 2 years to get well on my own. So how could some herbal paste help so much in 3 days?

We talked a little more, and it turned out that he recently had a similar problem, where he tore a ligament while lifting weights. That was new to me because (1) I didn’t know sinsehs lift weights, and (2) I didn’t know sinsehs get injured.

It took him a full month to get well. If his could get well in a month, maybe there was some hope for me.

When the consultation and treatment was finally over, I asked about the payment. It turned out to be less than $30, much less than I had expected.

“I sometimes have back pains - do you treat those?”

“No, I only treat sprains and muscle problems.”

Too bad. The pricing was so reasonable, he’s honest and down-to-earth, and he seemed to know his stuff.

I left the place, hopeful, with a funny patch on my shoulder.

* * *

After 3 days with that patch on my shoulder, it was a great relief to rip it out and be able to wash that part of my shoulder again.

And sure enough, my shoulder was much better. I could scratch my head again. And the rate of improvement increased so that I didn’t feel the need to visit the sinseh again.

This is the only sinseh I’ve seen, so I wouldn’t know if he’s the best sinseh around. But I’d go to him again.

* * *

About 2 months after the visit, I’m playing basketball quite normally again.