Just as I was about to close the fridge door,
Parent: “Eeeeyer! there’s a dead lizard in the fridge!! It’s so dirty and disgusting!!”
Me: “It’s in the fridge so it’s okay.”
Parent: “Such a stupid lizard!”
Me: “If I were a lizard, I’d choose to die in a fridge too.”
Parent: “Choy!”
Someone recently asked me if I’ve been stalked before.
“Nothing serious,” I replied.
Of course, they would want to find out more. But really, who likes to talk about getting stalked?
(That was a rhetorical question.)
But, being the nice obliging guy that I sometimes am, I shall describe the most recent incident.
Raffles City Shopping Mall, ground floor, men’s restroom.
Enter I, head straight to urinal #1 due to the urgency of the situation, and promptly proceed to relieve myself.
Enter middle-aged man with bright orange backpack seconds later. Walks past urinal #1 which I occupy, and parks himself at urinal #2, and proceeds to relieve himself.
The restroom has a row of around 8 urinals.
Men know that this isn’t a big deal if the restroom is crowded.
But if the restroom is relatively empty, i.e. the only occupied urinal is #1, and #2 to #8 is empty, you do not use urinal #2. You use urinal #4 to #8.
Breaking this rule can cause all sorts of misunderstanding which can result in arguments, fights or even death. Women will never understand this.
More importantly, you do not lean over to take a peek at another man’s urinary organ without permission as you leave your urinal. Like what the orange bag man just did.
As a peace-loving member of society, I decided to let it go, since there was only visual and no kinesthetic contact involved. I went to the basin area to wash my hands. He was there, combing his slick black hair.
He was at basin #1. I took basin #5, the one furthest away.
I washed my hands. With soap. Rinse. Took my time to salvage my bad hair day situation. Washed my hands again. Dried my hands.
He was combing his slick hair.
So I left.
He left shortly after, as I could tell from his reflection off the corridor walls. His orange bag made it obvious.
I’m not paranoid. I don’t see things. I won’t claim that someone is stalking me if I’m not sure, even though he parked himself beside me in the toilet and probably waited for me and he’s now 10 metres behind me walking in the same direction.
I turned into a place where he would have little reason to go to - the Robinsons cosmetics section.
Mr Orange Bag turned into the Robinsons cosmetics section. He had a reason.
I maneuvered around the section a little, and soon walked out the same way I came in.
And so did he.
Time for another routine.
I walked into the nearby Tommy Hilfiger shop, and pretended to browse around while waiting for him to come in. I would leave the moment he stepped in.
Smart fella didn’t follow me in. He knew that the Hilfiger shop is a dead end, while Robinsons shop has a few exits. He stood around outside.
It was getting a bit too freaky for me. Time to lose him for good.
I took my time to stroll out the Hilfiger shop, back towards the Robinsons cosmetics section. He started walking the same way as expected. Once I turned into Robinsons, I sped towards the escalator, went upstairs, then went upstairs again, went out of the shop, went to the opposite side of the building, and hung around a while to see if he would appear.
Mr Orange Bag was never seen again.
What kind of girl are you looking for
“So, what kind of girl are you looking for?” asked the girl whom I was having lunch with.
“First, she has to be really hot and pretty…”
“So superficial!”
“It’s not about being superficial,” I replied. “I’m actually being very holistic.”
“Holistic?” she probably never encountered that word before.
“Meaning I look at the person as a whole - but I start from the looks first.”
“That’s being superficial what. What if she’s a really good person on the inside?”
“I judge based on looks first. If the looks fail, then I don’t care how good she is on the inside. If she’s really hot, I’ll proceed on to look at how good she is as a person.”
She didn’t look too excited.
“Look,” I continued, “there are so many girls out there to pick from. It’s stupid to pick any random girl to see if she’s a good person first, then start deciding if you’re okay with her looks. It’s far more efficient to eliminate all the ugly ones first, then focus on the hot ones to find out more.”
“Okay lah okay lah,” she clearly wasn’t too pleased with my logic.
Then a smile flashed across her face.
“So,” she said sweetly and hopefully, “would a girl around my standard make it?”
I froze.
I looked at her uncomfortably.
I frowned.
“What??!?” she almost screamed at me.
“Nothing. Oh by the way the food here is pretty good!”
“Stop changing the subject!” She wasn’t so sweet anymore, “answer the question!”
“Uhmmm… you very sure you wanna know?”
Pause.
“Idiot!”
As usual, I haven’t been blogging much these days. But I’ve certainly been tweeting a lot today, particularly about the AWARE EOGM thingy at Suntec. So this post is really most of my tweets 
I was actually seriously considering attending the event, especially after this MSN conversation:
Friend: you going?
Me: nope
Me: i got booked alreadyFriend: aiyoh
Friend: room full of women
Friend: and you get yourself bookedMe: but they’re mostly old?
Friend: no way!
Friend: a lot of young ones!
Unfortunately I was already booked by a friend who desperately needed me to help fix her computer. I’ve been trying to shed the reputation of being the computer guy since ages ago, but seems like I’m still cursed with it.
i regret not going to the EOGM. all the passionate women there. #awaresg
After I was done with being the nerd, the first thing I did after getting home was to check out Twitter.
wah #awaresg is the top hashtag now, even more than #swineflu
I was back around the time when they announced the vote results. The old exco won the vote 2 to 1. However, because the new exco weren’t legally required to resign, they went away to consider the decision.
And didn’t come back!
So it was declared that the new exco was history:
new exco now exexco #awaresg
I joined in the speculation as to where they disappeared to:
either the new ex exco has been abducted by aliens, or the Rapture has taken place. #awaresg
In Christian theology, the Rapture is an event when all living christians will be physically snatched away and transported into heaven.
Frankly, I doubt they deserve to be raptured.
By then, a lot of tweeters on the scene were tweeting about battery bars:
ladies and gentlemen, live tweets from suntec should be diminishing. batteries aren’t supposed to last that long. lucky i’m at home #awaresg
Anyway, guess what, Josie the new exexco leader appeared after 30 minutes:
apparently josie is back and wants to speak. *sigh* women ah… always want to have the last say #awaresg
She officially announced the resignation of the exco.
Some closure at least.
this aware thing is more fascinating than tv. not that i watch tv. #awaresg
By the time it was over around 9pm, many of those at suntec have been there for 8 hours or more:
761 women at suntec must rush home to cook for their husbands. please make way. 1414 other women will be having dinner at suntec. #awaresg
The 761 were those who voted for the homophobic exco, while the 1414 voted for the old guard. Yes, I can’t help making politically incorrect statements. (Many of the 761 probably believe that wives should submit to their husbands, according to biblical teachings.)
Anyway, I noticed something interesting about the whole episode:
constituents not apathetic and can vote + social & mainstream media same message + gahmen not involved. this is not the SG i know! #awaresg
And there will always be enterprising people out there:
wah aware t-shirts already on sale. how about Thio Su Mien masks for halloween? #awaresg
